/gone_crazy.gif)
Thank God It’s Friday!
I think the last few months have added more gray hair to my head than raising my kids. Come to think of it, there are lots of similarities, lol. 2006 was a rough year for me on the job, mainly due to the situation with the now absent Office Manager and the stress that came along with it. Then the move to the new offices……then the re-certification process, followed immediately by the holidays and fifteen puppies to deliver….whew!
So the next mountain to scale was the audit, which was done two days this week, ending yesterday evening. The auditor is the “typical” auditor, very sharp, all business, and not much of a sense of humor. He’s very thorough, which is a plus, but it can also make for a stressful day. I’ve dealt with this particular auditor for most of the last 14 years, so I’m used to what he’s gonna want to see and what to have ready for him. But since I was no longer the office manager last year, I was aware that it would be a little more stressful if I didn’t go through everything and get it all in perfect order, especially since the financial office was not well maintained this past year.
But! I got a call from him last Friday to let me know he would be here this week….egads! But no time to get everything in perfect order.
Wednesday went pretty good with Mr. Auditor concentrating on the piles of papers I knew he would want to see and had already piled on the desk for him. I asked for the “checks” list that I knew he would have generated, which is a random list of check numbers for the entire year. I then take the list and fill in the date of the check, who it was written to and the amount. Then I’m expected to pull the documentation for each check on this three page list for his inspection of proper procedures, authorizations, and signatures. That was my project for yesterday morning…..pulling the documentation for all these checks. I was praying I’d be able to find everything where it was supposed to be…..that prayer wasn’t answered.
So, the purpose of this blog post is not to bore you to death with an audit, but to tell you about my day. All the boring details are just part of the groundwork for my story, so please bear with me. For the purpose of further groundwork, I need to explain the layout of our new offices. They are adjacent to the old offices we used to have, but we still have three adjoining doors into that same hallway that the old offices are connected to. One is directly off our lobby to allow public access to the only public restrooms in the building. Another one is our new “office manager’s” office which is the one that the auditor and I were both occupying. This door is kept locked as well as another door toward the back of the building to ensure security to our inner offices.
Anyway, my wishes for a smooth day yesterday was just a dream, as I realized soon after walking in the door. I set about going through the files to retrieve the documentation for this list of checks and immediately started coming up empty on more than a few. Grrrrrrrr! Tension was quickly setting in as I started looking in odd and out of the way places that these documents might have been placed for about 10 checks on the list. I knew where a couple of them might be, since they would have been pulled recently for FEMA documentation. Bingo, I found those…………but where were the rest?
“M”, our Office Assistant immediately set about helping me look in every cubby hole. Now, “M” is my right arm and works her tail off, but she is currently hobbling around with a cane due to a bum knee. “M” is also a very outspoken lady and has a high pitched “witchy” type voice that we’re all accustomed to, along with her dry sense of humor. She has a “colorful” dialect that she uses often, especially when she is dressing down her computer for being so stupid, or arguing with another employee. She says what comes to her mind and it’s what I love about her, but sometimes……
“S” is the Court Advocate that had a stroke in November and this has been her first week back on the job. “S” is having problems with her short term memory still and tends to repeat herself a few times a day and usually at the most inopportune moments. Now this pretty much gets on everybody’s nerves, especially our outspoken “M” who promptly lets “S” know about it without mincing any words.
“N” is our Child Advocate who has been off sick all week and who tends to do a lot of whining about having to do her job. She is also our Volunteer Coordinator.
“B” is our Counselor who handles our “Batterer’s Intervention Program”, which consists of weekly groups to teach a bunch of worthless and cocky men to stop beating up their wives or significant others.
Now, back the story…….
“M” and I were tearing up two offices to find the missing documentation when Mr. Auditor asks me for a total of last year’s volunteer hours. Okay, I know where those are……..I thought! I look in the file and nothing! Not for last year, anyway. So I’m thinking, “where in the world would she have put these?” and starting to panic because I didn’t remember seeing them anywhere else. So I leave “M” searching for documentation as I tear up two offices and a storage room to find these volunteer time sheets to no avail. Finally, out of desperation, I had “B” call “N” at home in her sickbed to ask if she might possibly have taken them to her office at the shelter. “N” says she will check. So I had to abandon that safari and get back to my original project temporarily. I get word that “N” has found the missing volunteer time sheets AT HER HOUSE and will bring them right up. Okay, I’m growling by this time about what the h*** they are doing at her HOUSE, but too busy to ask any questions.
Then the REAL fun started. I have “M” in the break area with mountains of paper in front of her, going thru each and every stack for the missing documentation with her leg propped on a pillow in another chair. I’m standing three feet away from Mr. Auditor at the filing cabinets, elbow deep in files and papers that I’m frantically digging through when I hear this male voice coming from somewhere yelling “HELLO!………..HELLO!!!!”…….
What the….?!
I finally located the origin of the voice, which was directly outside the door to the hallway of the old offices. “The Voice” wasn’t shutting up and wasn’t getting any quieter, so I unlock the door to see who it belonged to. There before me was a totally inebriated man, carrying a huge Styrofoam cup of god knows what, weaving up and down the dim hallway, still yelling “HELLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!”
Me: Can I help you?
Drunken Man: Is Miss “B” here? Where is her office?
Me: Uh, sir, if you will have a seat in the lobby, I will get her for you. (I’m thinking this is one of our “batterers”)
DM: Is this where you get the toys for kids? You know, Christmas presents?
Me: No, we don’t do that program and I don’t know who would at this time, since it’s after Christmas, but if you will have a seat in the lobby…..
DM: Well, my neice and nephew needs some toys……hey, what’s the Mayor’s phone number? Where’s your phone?
Me: (by this time, “S” has informed me that “B” is gone to get the mail) Sir, the mayor’s number is ****, but “B” is not here and will be back in a few minutes. You’re going to have to go wait in the lobby. (I start leading the way back into the lobby area, when look back and he isn’t there. So I go looking for him and he is now wobbling around in our FORMER, (now empty), LOBBY in the dark!) Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……..
Me: Sir, the lobby is THIS WAY!!! He finally follows me there and sits down.
Now, I go back to where I came from, lock the door again and dig back in to my piles of files. Within a minute, I hear….”MA’AM!…………HELLOOOOO” again in the hallway and watch as the doorknob is being tried over and over…..”HELLLLOOOOO!”…..
This goes on for a few minutes as I “try” to ignore it. During this time, “N” comes in with the volunteer time sheets, “M” has informed her that she needs to add up the hours for Mr. Auditor (he and I are both within earshot of all this), “N” proceeds to start whining about having to add “all those numbers” up by hand and “M” screaming at her to “just shut up your bitching and whining and go use her calculator and get it done!” The phone is going crazy and “S” can’t seem to get it (God knows why).
By this time, Drunk Man is now banging on every door in the hallway……”MA’AM!!!!!……HELLLLLOOOOOOOO!!!!!” I have my elbows propped on the filing cabinets with my head in my hands, muttering under my breath and wanting to just disappear, when I hear a snicker behind me. I turned my head in my hands to see Mr. Auditor grinning slightly as he said “Uh……typical day for you?”
“Pretty much”, I manage to grumble.
Shortly thereafter, the “HELLLLOOOO!!!!” and the banging stopped, so I was at least relieved of that until I hear “M” screaming at “S” ………….”What did you let him in here for?!” and I go to discover that Mr. Drunk is now weeble wobbling around “M’s” office with the phone to his ear, “calling the mayor”. I throw my hands up and go back to my search as “M” gets the man back out the door and he leaves.
He never did see “Miss B”.
About this time, we started finding our lost documentation, the volunteer hours were tabulated, we all went to lunch and came back to work to a much easier afternoon. The rest of the audit was a breeze, and Mr. Auditor’s parting words were something about seeing me again next year and hoping my “days” got better, grinning as he walked out the door.
I sat back in my chair, exhaled for the first time all day and propped my feet up on my desk. As I sat there in my stupor, staring at the ceiling tiles, the phone rang. On the other end was the welcome voice of my wonderful husband……but he sounded a little irritated. “Hi Baby, whatcha doin?”, I ask. And with only a slightly less irritated voice, he informs me that he is currently crawling around the living room floor, cleaning up a ton of shredded newspaper which totally covered the entire room.
Uh oh…..
Apparently, Sugar and Prissy had discovered the trash bag full of newspapers that were destined for kennel use, but were still by the patio door as a reminder to get taken out there. What’s worse is, he said, that Sugar was currently lazing on the back of the love seat, looking at him like he had lost his mind, with no apparent remorse whatsoever, lol. I hastened to remind him that Prissy was most likely a part of it too, but he quickly informed me that he knew who the “instigator” was.
Oh well, by the time I got home, there was no trace of the offending shredded newspapers, Sugar was still unscathed and prancing around like she owned the place, and Ice had calmed down somewhat, lol. However, after talking to me on the phone, he had inadvertently left the phone lying on the floor and had to chase Sugar down outside to get it back. She survived that little shenanigan unscathed too (Ice is a softy) and the phone? Well, other than a few tooth marks, managed to survive also.
So.....my next project will consist of putting two offices and a storage room back together that I have totally wrecked and ransacked with a skill that rivals the abilities of a tornado. And I could use some help. So, could I interest any of you in...oh never mind, lol. Have a great weekend everybody!
And don't forget to CHECK THIS OUT!!!
Love to all!
Pup
