My previous marriage was for 20 years. I knew just a few years after we married that it was not a good marriage, so why did I hang in there for so long? Because of the kids, that's why. We had my two and his three because his first wife passed away at the age of 35, I believe. He was 14 years older than me, so his three boys were 12 (Tommy), 13 (Eddie), and 16 (Kenny) when we married.
So those boys had been a part of my life for 20 years. We had a history and I loved each of them. We weathered the rough years together and I watched them all graduate from high school, attended their weddings, and was there when their kids were born. They still call me Mom and are still part of my life. I heard it in a movie once....." You divorce spouses. You don't divorce the kids". The sadness I felt when the judge approved my divorce wasn't for the marriage that had been "over" for too many years. It was for the possible loss of my relationship with the boys.
I found out this morning that my ex was in the hospital. I called Tommy, to let him know and he said he would be coming in from Louisiana to see him today and was going to go by and get Kenny to come with him.
I went to the hospital myself to visit with my ex and see how he was doing and Tommy and Kenny came in while I was there. We visited for a little bit, then I excused myself to go run some errands and get back home. They had assured me they would come by, and they did.
We had a wonderful visit and it was good to see Kenny. Tommy is still very much a part of my life and he and his family are always part of family get-togethers. He calls me on Mother's Day and tells me he loves me. Kenny hasn't been around much the last few years, and I rarely see him. I haven't seen Eddie in years either, but we still correspond.
We laughed and talked about the good ole days and I enjoyed it so much. Then Tommy started telling us about his site on myspace.com and wanted to show it to me. He has put a lot of time into it and I was impressed with the graphics and such that he had included to make a really nice page. Then I looked down at his profile and under his "heroes", the only person listed was me. Awwwwww......
I was so young back then and I really felt like I was doing everything wrong when it came to those boys. It's a hard thing to step into a mother's place that has died. Thing is, I never tried to replace their mother and felt like she should always have the place of honor in their hearts that she deserved. We had bad times along with the good, but we always managed to work through it. All I could do is care in my own way and try my best to give good direction.
I guess it paid off, huh?
But seriously, I have to say I feel rewarded in so many ways. We've had our differences, weathered the storms, and had some wonderful times. I'm so glad that those times didn't have to end when I signed those papers.
It's been a very good day.